Navigating the Road to Recovery: How to Get Completely Clear of Your Narcissist

Disclaimer: If your narcissistic relationship involved children, completely separating may not be possible or even positive. This post is directed more toward relationships without children involved. That said, some of the advice here can still be applied.

So, here you are—on your own, maybe for the first time in a long time. You’re coming out of a relationship that likely isolated you from friends and family for a variety of reasons. 

Perhaps you’re alone and feeling lonely—lonely enough to be tempted to reconnect with your narcissist. They know you. They say they miss you. They want you to be happy.

STOP!

This is NOT what you need. If your former partner is truly a narcissist, they’ll say and do anything to get you back—because they want you to continue feeding their needs. They are not interested in helping you for your sake. They miss how you made them feel. They miss the way you enabled their bad behaviors.  

The best way to get completely clear of your narcissist is to CUT THEM OFF.

Delete their contact. Unfollow. Unfriend. Delete, delete, delete. Stop using “Find My Friends” or anything similar. They are not your friend. If you keep tabs on them, you’ll start filling in gaps of information based on your past with them—and that’s unhealthy. It’s a form of self-torture.

Stop.

Avoid places you might accidentally run into them, even if they used to be your favorite places. 

You’ll need to find new favorite places. Think of this as an adventure—an exploration of what you like, for you. Go to places you always wanted to visit but never did because your partner wasn’t interested. Try coffee shops, parks, museums, bookstores, gyms, restaurants, bars, trails, theaters—places that spark your curiosity or inspire you.

Experience what you were ‘never allowed’ to try:

• Take that art class you always wanted to

• Attend social nights or meetups that intrigued you

• Try new foods or culinary experiences

• Go to live events—concerts, musicals, ballet, speakers—you’ve been dying to see

Exercise in ways that make YOU feel good:  

Walk, run, swim, take classes, do yoga at night or before dawn, train for a spartan race, polar plunge, climb trees, throw a frisbee— dance, dance, dance!

Breathe. Be still. Revel in yourself—in your body, in your thoughts.

Remember, you’re in the process of recreating yourself. The person you left behind wants you to stay the same, stuck in the role that serves them. This is their first and strongest priority. 

And they still have power over you unless you take that power back and use it for yourself.

This is not selfish. This is not about disregarding others—it’s about reclaiming the energy you’ve been pouring into someone else’s selfishness. 

Now, you need to reclaim that energy for yourself—to protect yourself, to heal, to grow. 

The stronger you feel on your own, the less you will think about or miss your narcissist. 

You will begin to see the truth of the relationship. You will feel more complete without them and their constant need for you to think about and focus on them. 

Your new life without them will grow more fulfilling everyday until one day, you can think about them and not feel anger or hostility - not really anything at all. 

This is true freedom.