How many times did you say "I'm sorry" today?

Have you noticed how often you say, “I’m sorry”?

Seriously. Start counting. I bet it’s at least ten times a day.

When you need to pass someone in a narrow hallway.

When someone else bumps into you.

When you ask a question, take up space, or exist slightly out of the way.

And it seems like such a small thing — just being polite, right?But it’s not. It’s something bigger. And here’s why:

Every time you say “I’m sorry” when “Excuse me,” “Oops,” or even silence would do, you’re telling your brain something dangerous.

You’re reinforcing a message that you are the problem. That you did something wrong. That you need to shrink, apologize, and stay small, even when no one is hurt and nothing is broken.

This kind of unconscious self-blame rewires your confidence.

Now, here’s where it gets really interesting. There’s a huge gulf between how often women apologize and how often men do.

I was curious too. So I did some **research.

Here’s the deal: Women don’t apologize more because we’re more polite.We apologize more because we’ve been conditioned to view ourselves as more offensive.

Let that sink in.

We’re taught to feel guilty for taking up space, asserting ourselves, or even mildly inconveniencing someone. Men, on the other hand, are conditioned to feel entitled to that space. The result? A lopsided scale where women over-apologize and men often don’t apologize enough.

This isn’t about becoming rude or careless.It’s about reclaiming your power — and your words.

Try this simple practice:

Swap “Sorry I’m late” with “Thank you for waiting.”

Replace “Sorry to bother you” with “Do you have a moment?”

Catch yourself when you say sorry for something you didn’t actually do wrong — and reframe it.

Language matters.Because how you speak to others is how you train your brain to see yourself. (It's sneaky like that.)

So the next time you feel “I’m sorry” crawling up your throat, pause and ask: What am I really apologizing for? And more importantly…Do I actually need to?

**Want to dig deeper into why so many women feel the need to apologize for existing? These books and articles explore the psychology, social conditioning, and language patterns that make “I’m sorry” such a reflex — and how to break free from it.

HuffPost (2015). The Problem With Women Saying “Sorry” All the Time

Kay, Katty & Claire Shipman (2014). The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance—What Women Should Know.

Mohr, Tara. (2014). Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead..

Psychology Today. (2015). Why Women Apologize Too Much — and How to Stop

Schumann, K., & Ross, M. (2010). Why Women Apologize More Than Men: Gender Differences in Thresholds for Perceiving Offensive Behavior. Psychological Science.

Tannen, Deborah. (1990). You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation..