The Best Self-Improvement Secret Ever!

Whenever I decide to make a change in my life (which is fairly often as I am soooo inspired by all of the folks out there working on themselves) I have a bulletproof, 100% successful way to do it every single time. 

ADD MORE GOOD. That’s it. That is the secret. 

Sound simple? That’s because it is! 

Here’s an example:

Self-Improvement Problem: “I hate my arms. I need to tone up. Like, yesterday.” 

Wrong answer (and one I have too many times to count - slow learner sometimes): Go to the gym tomorrow, no TODAY, lift lots of heavy stuff until I feel like my arms are going to fall off, nearly kill myself and somebody else with the complete lack of ability to turn the steering wheel on the way home, text someone to let me in the house because I can’t turn the knob, and spend the following week fastening my bra in the front and washing my hair with my head in my lap. Anyone out there relate?

Self-Improvement Secret answer: Do ten cobras in the morning before I get dressed. Do ten more before I get in bed. Right there on the floor beside the bed. No need to change clothes, go to the gym, find the weights I want. Nope. Just add twenty reps of an exercise I know how to do and can do in my own bedroom. I do this for a few days then up to fifteen each time. The following week, I’m at twenty, then twenty five. I break this into two sets a.m. and two sets p.m. of fifteen each. Now I’m up to thirty. My arms start to show improvement, feel firmer and stronger. No inconvenient change of schedule, no gym bag to pack, and no painful payback. Just add more good. 

Self-Improvement Problem: “I feel gross. I need to lose some weight, but preparing food is too inconvenient.”

Wrong answer: Throw out all the sugar and gluten and dairy in the house. Research a whole new eating plan that eliminates all the foods I love (and are convenient for me) and start fresh with a full reset. 

Self-Improvement Secret answer: Add something healthy to each meal. EX: oatmeal or cereal (or even ice cream) - add berries or apples or bananas, nuts, and cinnamon. Voila! Sandwiches, add tomato, lettuces, pickles, and a few carrots or cucumbers on the side. No need to eliminate anything. Just add more good. 

Self-Improvement Problem: “I don’t have time to get enough exercise and I am winded just going up the stairs these days.”

Wrong answer: Start training for a marathon. Buy new running shoes and a headlamp (‘cause I’ll also be getting up before the sun so I can get my run in before I get ready for the day). Plan out the next three months of runs. Or screw that, I’ll just see how far I can run today, then build a plan from there. 

Self-Improvement Secret answer: Park farther away (safely). Take the stairs instead of the escalator or elevator, or go up the stairs and down the stairs one or two extra times a day. Find a co-worker or friend to take a walk with a couple of times a week in good weather. Put your phone (or the remote) across the room. Force yourself to get up each time and walk over to it. It’s only a few steps, but each one counts. When a neighbor walks their dog, see if they’d like some company sometime. Don’t stop at the mailbox in your car, walk there after you’re parked. Set a timer for 50 minutes. Then get up out of your seat and walk to another room, or get outside for five to ten minutes to just walk around and absorb the beauty. No rearranging your whole life. Just add more good. 

To be successful, this takes two important elements that so many of us struggle with: 

1. Delayed gratification 

2. Consistency

Without these, you cannot reach your goals. Ever. Like, none of them. 

How do you access these two pillars of success? Again, it’s simple. 

1. You acknowledge that the dramatic, go and do as much as you can plan is also NOT instant gratification. In fact, because of the damage it causes, it actually delays your success even more.

2. Put yourself first. Say it out loud. PUT YOURSELF FIRST. This in itself can be a new habit, so consider a mantra that you love. A few of my go-tos are: I deserve this. I have earned this. This makes me better for myself and for those I love. Self care is a necessity. 

Reframing self-improvement into manageable, consistent actions that don't overwhelm or lead to burnout is empowering. Focus on building something sustainable, rather than setting yourself up for failure with drastic changes. The awareness of delayed gratification and consistency is key, and your mantras are an essential part of the process. Say it out loud, often. Write it down somewhere you'll see it multiple times daily - on your mirror with a dry erase marker (or eyeliner you don't like), or create a Google doc or Canva image to screenshot and make your phone's wallpaper, or both!

Making time for self-improvement not only enhances one's life but also reinforces the idea that you are worth the effort. It helps create a feedback loop of positive self-awareness and confidence. This can be especially transformative when recovering from narcissistic relationships, as it helps rebuild a sense of worth and self-compassion through small, consistent acts of self-care.